The longest day.

So, the past three days have literally been the longest days of my life. The passing of my grandmother has left me distraught.

How are people able to move on from this?

How long does it take to become less painful?

I don’t understand.

I visited my nan around 3/4 times a week, then last week she asked me round for pizza (which isn’t like her..) I thought absolutely nothing of it, I ordered Dominos and we ate it together while watching TV. It was the most amazing day.

After a few hours I was leaving, I said I’d be back tomorrow and she said not to rush myself, I said the next day and she still said ‘don’t rush yourself’. I thought nothing of it and was going to visit her on the Tuesday as I was away for the weekend.

then; exactly one week from when I visited her I had the absolutely awful and horrific news that she had passed away.

i had never felt sadness like it

i had never felt shock like it

this then lead to the longest day of my life, followed by the longest few days, it’s still not easy.

thinking back, it seems as though she already knew (silly I know), but, she never said for me to not come on certain days, and as I left she said ‘you take care of yourself now and watch the road’.. something which I thought she was saying in general, words I thought were just WORDS but in actual fact, those words were the last ones to me, the words which I will remember forever.

this is by FAR the hardest thing I’ve dealt with, a true lesson I have learned is to not waste time, don’t think just do it – make memories, don’t take anything or anyone for granted.

Go places, experience things, make mistakes and make memories.

my nan is forever loved.. 8th of May 2018 will stay with me forever. 💞

5 things to 16 year old me

1) boys don’t matter – they’re all douche bags at the end of the day

2) exams aren’t the end of the world

3) eat !!!! When I was 16 I hardly ate at all.. but that achieved nothing and starving myself isn’t the way to go, chicken nuggets is the way to go

4) don’t waste time wanting to be older. I am currently 18, I’ve been waiting for this age for so long, however the whole ‘going out’ isn’t fun after a while, enjoy being the age you currently are.

5) don’t blend in. My problem was I was such a big people pleaser, I found myself unhappy, however doing whatever you want is soooo much more better.

STOP BODY SHAMING.

Okay. So while going a live earlier. I was beginning to become SO confident with speaking and stuff. However, some RUDE person commented ‘do you get bullied?’ Abit puzzled I was.. and I asked ‘why?’ He then said ‘for being overweight?’

WOAH.

I don’t understand why anyone can say anything about anyone’s weight. The two pictures I put up there I don’t see anything wrong with it, I am not the skinniest but I like myself the way I am.

I don’t understand why people comment on other individuals weight.

Whatever weight you are, gender, race.. or whatever, you should be asked ‘do you get bullied because of..’ extremely rude.

I posted those pictures for body positivity, whoever thinks I’m very ‘overweight’ can suck it, I don’t care.

Trying pink eyeshadow.

I HATE iPhone quality because it ruins looks and this was more pigmented in person. However I stepped out of my nude eye colours and went for pink and I’m quite pleased with the outcome! 

I used this pallete to complete the look ->>>>
And I think it worked wonderfully! Well.. I hope! ☕️

NYX review!

Hello everyone! Today my blog will be based on a new liquid lipstick which I’ve tried recently, it’s the NYX Lingerie in the shade LIPLI 09 . I have purchased two other NYX products before and have been VERY impressed.. however, when I tried this it didn’t quite live up the the expectation.

When i applied it it felt fine, probably around 2 minutes later, it started to dry and I know.. liquid lipsticks are dry, DUH. However it was drying but it was crumbling. It also made my lips feel very very dry, and you could see it! If you touched my lips the product came crumbling off, this is NOT what I expected to happen seems as I have been impressed with my last purchases! 

I think in future I’ll be more cautious in what NYX products I buy.

It’s a gorgeous nude colour, it’s just a shame about the formula.

Why I haven’t posted…

So for the past few weeks I haven’t posted at all. I don’t know if any of you are interested but I’ll tell you anyways haha.

Well, my nan has COPD, and she lived on her own in a bungalow, she was unable to breathe one day even with the machines.. so she was taken to hospital, and there was no way she could go back to her bungalow, she was then admitted into a care home after a few weeks, and we were told she had just 4 days to live.. we were told this in October and she’s still here! Which is one hell of a relief.

So for months my mind has just been focusing on my nan, visiting my nan every day.. but I love doing blog posts and I will continue them, I’ve been away for a while but now I am back!😊

Hilton hotel

So on the 23rd of February I turned 18! I had the most amazing birthday, I went to the Hilton in Cardiff!

I must say the hotel is exquisite. The pool. The jacuzzi. The steam room. The sauna.

I had no idea I was going as if was a surprise off my boyfriend, and wow, MAJOR brownie points!! The view of looking over Cardiff castle was unreal! Our hotel room had many tiny details and much thought went into it.

He had already bought be two dresses to wear for each night, and the night was amazing! So calming, great service from the staff, very polite. We were in the conservatory looking out onto the castle.

As the rugbys on, we were unable to go out in the night as that simply would have been hectic!! But going up to the room with munchies and a bottle of wine did me fine!

I come from a normal house, a normal family. But the people there were very classy, very posh, and presumably VERY rich. It literally felt like they were royalty and I couldn’t look.. but then I realised, we paid the same as them, so we have as much entitlement to be here and enjoy ourselves as they did!

This was an experience I will NEVER forget

Happy Birthday, my angel.

Today marks an 18th birthday of the most beautiful, kind, and funniest girl.

She should be down here celebrating, with friends, family, enjoying life. However, that’s not what’s happened. Over a year ago you decided that you didn’t want to be here anymore. Hearing the news I was distraught, heartbroken. I couldn’t process it. I still can’t. However, as times gone on I wish with all my heart you could be here, but that isn’t the case and I have to accept that.

On your 11th birthday I remember going to get our nails done, dominos and it was just us two. The day was amazing and I can’t believe how fast times gone, this was my most favourite memory. Or how you used to just turn up to my house, so unexpected and just like one of the family. Going for our long walks and talks. Hiding in Morrisons! I would do anything to be able to re live one of those special days I spent with you.

I wish you a happy 18th birthday my beautiful bestfriend. You’re always in my heart, until I see you again🖤

My weekend rundown!

Friday – Friday me, my mam, dad and two brothers all went to Coventry to visit my nan, uncle, auntie and cousin! I was pretty nervous as when I go I get told that I’m ‘putting on weight’ even though I’m size 10.. know what it feels like to be the one people poke and prod!

Saturday – Saturday I was extremely nervous and my anxiety was at an all time high! This was because we were all off to the German market which was in Birmingham, I knew Birmingham was busy.. but this was hella busy!!! There must have been atleast 4000 people, no joke! There was so many people that I could not see any stalls for the life of me which means we didn’t really taste much of the food 😦 When I got home I was emotionally drained from all the anxieties of the day, I was exhausted! 

Sunday – Sunday was a calm day, I liked it. A long 2 and a half hour drive home, just listening to music and calm from the festivities! 
Although I love Christmas, the anxiety of having so much excitement takes its tole  on me as weird as it sounds! I don’t know, I just get freaked out knowing everything’s happening so fast…

30 FACTS ABOUT MEEEE

1. I’m 17 years old
2. My birthday is on the 23rd of February
3. I have 3 brothers.. yay.
4. I have a boyfriend, since 3rd of October 2015
5. I have two adorable dogs called Pippin and Tiny
6. I live in Wales
7. I aspire to be a mental health nurse
8. I wear glasses
9. I also wear contacts
10. I NEVER get bored
11. I’m easily irritated 
12. I obsess over makeup
13. I’m such a jealous person
14. I studied Child Care in college last year
15. I watch YouTube allll the time
16. I have a slight tea addiction
17. I adore Chuck Bass
18. I’m currently studying Health and Social Care in college
19. I don’t really enjoy Disney films..
20. My family is huge, I probably have like 50 cousins no joke
21. I hate horror films, they’re so boring
22. I deliver Chinese
23. I absolutely hate college
24. I order McDonald’s way too often
25. I hate dominos cookies
26. My middle name is Louise
27. I would love to travel
28. I always have to have a window seat
29. I take pinky promises to the extreme
30. I don’t forgive easy